This is the story of what has made me into who I am. I have walked this planet for 19 years now. I can tell you that I have had to go through things that would make a grown man cry. I wanna share my story with you. I have walked a life of sin and no regret. I have faith in nothing. I walked a path of God when I was young, but when I was 8 years old I was presented with a situation that no one should ever have to go through. My mother isn't a very social person she at one time had only one real friend. My parents would go to that womans house and play cards and have good times. Good times here on earth never last. After a while my father would say he was going fishing. Well I would always asked him if I could go every time I got no. Now you have to be able to see all of this through the eyes of an eight year old boy that knew nothing bout how to feel love. MY father never really went fishing; he went out with my mothers best/only friend. It was my brother and myself that caught my dad. 8 years old and I heard my father on the phone talking to this woman like she was my mother, he even used the three little words," I Love You. Well of course I told my mother and she asked him about it and he denied it and threatened to whip me for having lied and trying to break the family apart. Well he finally admitted it to my mom and we all sat down even the woman my father cheated with. Well I was eight, brother 10 sister 12 and mother in 30s none of them could speak and they could all only cry. I was only 8. I talked I expressed feeling, emotions, I stood I spoke for my family, I never had the chance to shed a tear. I was only 8. Well my parents worked it out. We moved to a new house. I got really depressed, to the point suicide passed through my head. I lost touch with God; I lost my faith I lost myself. Well my father and I would always argue and he would bring up his affair. He didn't like how at 8 I stood up for the family. Well I wrote a book and expressed my feelings for everyone I knew even people I had just seen before. I had set a date to commit suicide, by hanging myself from the only tree in our backyard. Time passed, I was only 10. Well I told my sister about the book, she told my parents about it. They didn't believe it, but they could not see inside of me. My father swept me up threw me on the couch and I remember the feel of my face after he swept his hand across my face. I couldn't believe my father had done that to me. We argued even more. I never gave up. After a while my father just flat out told me, You go ahead and commit suicide. I was only 10. Well I tried, sooo many times I would sneak out of the house with my fathers gun. I put a bullet into the chamber spun it and pulled the trigger. It got to where I was putting three bullets at a time and pulling the trigger. It was a five-chamber pistol. I was only 12. Well things started to settle and I would always sneak out and play with death. I figured well if all I get for standing up for my family when I was younger is cursed and put down than I am gonna help them out by killing myself.